we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
