you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
