covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
She said her name was "party"
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
