Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Nicole vs. Life
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I can't turn off my feet"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
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