just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
