i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
