did you get engaged???
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
