im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
