PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
