You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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