they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
