Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
