I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
