We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
