the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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