I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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