I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
