My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
