I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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