i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
What a dumb baby whore.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
