Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
