the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
