I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
