I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Randomize
