Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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