wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
