just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
organizing the empties. That sober.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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