how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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