I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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