I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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