My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
