he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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