my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
