well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
