I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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