there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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