Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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