Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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