I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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