apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
