oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
