My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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