my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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