She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
