My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
