i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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