I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You don't make any sense
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