Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
