I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
