O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
