PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
