My Higher Power is John Stamos
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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