I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
