I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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